A Reprieve from Cancer

There's the good news. My father had surgery today on his cancer that went very well. They took a biopsy of the tumor because they may be able to develop a way to specifically treat his cancer. Then they froze the rest of the tumor. I phoned my mom all day until he was out of surgery. Things look like they may work out.

I spoke with my father last night. He has stopped making me promises about how things are going to be OK. He has stopped because he no longer knows. I want so badly to say or do the right thing, so he knows I am always there for him, that he is an amazing father, that he is tremendous. Why do my words fall short?

My father is retiring from over 40 years as an anesthesiologist. He spent his whole career with one hospital, one group. When I was in first grade, we moved to Salt Lake City for the year, while my father co-authored a text book for the University of Utah. Come January, he may not work as a doctor again. I sense he is heartbroken. He is and always will be passionate about medicine and science and helping people heal.

The hardest part in all of this change is him withdrawing. He pulls away just when he should be reaching out the most. I do the same thing. A lot of humans do.

All I can do is continue to love and support him, even if I feel lost.

World Girl