Insomnia

To sleep, per chance to dream. And when I dream they come at me with strange visions, which wake me. Not night terrors per se, but disturbing anyway.

This morning, I woke sandwiched between my boyfriend and my cat. They were both breathing deeply, a sign that they were sleeping peacefully. Restful conscience. Mine is all a twitter with anxiety. Have made the right choices? How do I make myself a better human being? What if my job doesn't pan out? What will I do? What if my relationship tanks? What if we're not as compatible as we thought? What if he gets bored?

My whole life, I have never let myself be good enough, happy enough, assured enough. Calm. I have never let myself be. This Fall and Winter there will be some shifts in my way of being; there will be shifts in my choices. A revolution is at hand and that makes me smile; I am able to fall back asleep.

World Girl