The Door

I have been standing at a door for ten months. On the otherside was either life the same or life different. Today, I had the courage to open the door and found life would be the same.

I am so grateful for this sameness. I am so grateful for my life. I am so grateful for my health, my friends, my family, my adorable kitty, my job, my city, the rain fall, the snow in the mountains, the beauty of the whole world....minus all the evil of war, famine and hatred.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Love,
World Girl

Glum, Blue, Down in the dumps depressed

I think the gray overcast is getting to me. The chilly air is more punctuated and quick. I am officially glum, blue, down in the dumps depressed. Nothing seems worthwhile, nothing has meaning. Just plain Blah.

My dad's leg remains paralyzed, but he seems to be in a good mood, as things are still getting done.

This past weekend my friend Erica and went to the Mix 92.5's Retro concert. We jammed out to Boyz II Men and Sir-Mix-A-Lot. Baby Got Back, Baby. We snuck into the VIP lounge where the radio station was wooing the concert supporters. I mean, it was a free concert; you had to win the tickets (lik my friend Erica did). We had drinks and appetizers....we giggled....we got away with it. We started the evening at Ruths Chris Steakhouse and had several pear martinis. Damn they were good. I regret nothing....the hangover was worth it.

Saturday, she and I went to Edmonds to listen to Rick Steves talk about Italy. When someone in the audience said, "I'm from Virginia" he said, "Thank you Virginia! Oops, I just outed myself". I guess ole Rick is a democrat. Made me giggle. He is an awesome speaker, and I'm looking forward to my trip to Italy next summer.

Sunday, I went to a play that Erica had a minor part in; Alice in Wonderland. It was bone-crushingly bad. After her scene, I got up and left. Even for children's theater, it stunk to high heaven. I only have so many hours in a weekend, and I'm not going to spend them watching kids forget their lines.

I watched way too many episodes of Grey's Anatomy. God, that shows bad. Sigh. But I'll watch the rest of season two tonight. How depressing is that?

World Girl

The Early Morning Phone Call

Those early morning phone calls are never good. I mean, my sister will call me at 5am to ask me how I am doing, just cause she's up, but usually early morning phone calls mean bad news.

There have been complications with my dad's surgery. His leg is paralysed from the knee down. I asked him what his thoughts were, and he thinks it is due to swelling around the nerve. He believes he'll be able to walk on it again, but it will take months of rehabilitation.

I wish I could do something to cheer him up. Something tells me, he can't be cheered up. If he has a problem walking, it may compromise his last few months at work. I know how much he wants to finish out the year.

I'll be driving home tonight.

World Girl

A Reprieve from Cancer

There's the good news. My father had surgery today on his cancer that went very well. They took a biopsy of the tumor because they may be able to develop a way to specifically treat his cancer. Then they froze the rest of the tumor. I phoned my mom all day until he was out of surgery. Things look like they may work out.

I spoke with my father last night. He has stopped making me promises about how things are going to be OK. He has stopped because he no longer knows. I want so badly to say or do the right thing, so he knows I am always there for him, that he is an amazing father, that he is tremendous. Why do my words fall short?

My father is retiring from over 40 years as an anesthesiologist. He spent his whole career with one hospital, one group. When I was in first grade, we moved to Salt Lake City for the year, while my father co-authored a text book for the University of Utah. Come January, he may not work as a doctor again. I sense he is heartbroken. He is and always will be passionate about medicine and science and helping people heal.

The hardest part in all of this change is him withdrawing. He pulls away just when he should be reaching out the most. I do the same thing. A lot of humans do.

All I can do is continue to love and support him, even if I feel lost.

World Girl

On a Porch in Kona, HI

Chickens in the yard circle
200 year old avocado tree.
Lush downward slope of green upon green hills
leading to shores edge where mist blurs
the view in a milky white haze and
sunlight pierces in pinhole places.
Ocean and sounds of waves obscured. Splashing muted.
Below porch with twining magenta flowers, sounds of happy birds,
fat round hanging avocados, plump oranges
while rain mists my face.
I long for you, my love. You.